They shall grow not old as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning.
We will remember them
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look,
“Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit’s, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.
One week later, the state’s Dept of Minerals and Energy in Western Australia, reported the following:
“After digging as deep as 30 feet in Western Australia’s Pilbara region, Jack Lucknow, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f–k all. Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless.”
Just makes you bloody proud to be Australian.
According to V8 Supercars Australia, the Sydney Telstra 500 was the biggest and best race of the year, but looking at Sydney photographer and filmmaker Keith Loutit’s work from the race, you’d think the opposite.
Reknowned for pioneering the tilt-shift/time-lapse filming technique, Loutit is able to use the combination of time and focus to support the illusion of miniaturisation in film.
Telstra commissioned Loutit to try his amazing photographic style on the V8 Supercars at the season-ending Sydney Telstra 500 – and the outcome is outstanding.
In his scaled down and sped up realities, real world subjects become their miniature counterparts. Boats bob like toys in a bathtub, cars race like slot-cars and crowds march as toy armies.
According to Loutit, his aim is create a sense of wonder in our surroundings by “challenging people’s perceptions of scale, and helping the viewer to distance themselves from places they know well.”
To the Americans who think they are in a position to call us racist from across an ocean, PISS OFF. Australian comedy and advertising is for Australian consumption and if it doesn’t make any reference to America, tough for you. Just remember, you gave the world 2 George Bushs and the KKK. If you don’t like our version of comedy, PISS OFF.
To the Indians who don’t like the speed of police investigations, PISS OFF. You get the same treatment as everybody else. Australians in general don’t condone violence against others. India can’t guarantee security within its own borders, so you are in no position to judge us. If you don’t like that, PISS OFF.
To the Japanese who are killing whales in Australian waters, PISS OFF. This is not scientific research. Go kill whales in your own waters. And if you don’t like the fact that we will send protestors to harass you at every turn, PISS OFF.
To the Muslims who come into this country and then complain about how we dress, act or do anything, PISS OFF. If you want to wear clothing that covers your face, if you want to live under Islamic law and if you want to live in your own little enclaves, go and live in an Islamic country. Australia is happy to accept any religion, but don’t try and change us. Australia is a nation based on Christian principles. If you don’t like it, PISS OFF.
To Sri Lankans who are coming over here on the never ending stream of boats, PISS OFF. This country is happy to accept legitimate refugees, but if you can afford 15 grand to pay people smugglers and bypass a dozen other countries, don’t expect to be welcomed with open arms. There is a legitimate refugee system and there are other more deserving people waiting in refugee camps. If you can’t stand to wait in line like the others using the system legitimately, PISS OFF.
To the Croatians and Serbians who want to come to this country and bring your politics with you, PISS OFF. Your violence at soccer and tennis matches is a disgrace. Sure, you had lots of problems in your homeland. You came here for a better life. So leave the hatred and politics behind. We will welcome you, but if you bring your crap with you, we don’t want you. PISS OFF.
To the English who come over here and never stop complaining, PISS OFF. We ceased being a convict colony over 100 years ago. We don’t want to hear how great the job market is in London, how cheap the houses are or how you don’t like the Australian climate. The solution is simple. If you think things are so much better in England, PISS OFF.
To any nationality that wants to come to this country. This is Australia. We have our own culture, language, way of dress and attitudes. We champion the fair go and will welcome people of all nationalities, languages and religions. We will embrace you and enjoy sharing your culture. We will welcome you to our neighbourhoods. But if you want to change us, PISS OFF. If you want to live in your own little enclaves and not integrate, PISS OFF. And if you don’t even live in this country and want to complain about the way we do business, PISS RIGHT OFF. Get your own country in order before you even try and judge us.
I’m bloody Australian and proud of it. And if you don’t like that, PISS OFF